‘I’ll just light another joss stick, I think the candles are fine as they are.
‘Now when I go into my trance I won’t know what I’m saying so will someone please take notes.
‘OK, we’re ready. I’ll start my mindful breathing.
‘Does anyone have a message for us? Is there anyone there?’
‘We have a message for all Humankind from The Creator of the Universe.’
‘Quick, quick pencil and paper someone – I’m going into my trance.’
* * *
‘Erm. yes, well. Hi Guys.
‘Now, about these last few years. You see it’s like this. I’ve been quite busy – I’ve got a lot going on down at the other end of Creation, and you know, this stuff can get quite stressful. I’m on my own here, you know, so I have a lot of pressure that I have to deal with and, well to be honest, you guys aren’t helping.
‘You know what I mean, this constant drone about peace on Earth? Hey Guys, I get the message. OK?
‘So, you know, you guys have been around for a couple of million years now, and I was hoping we were past all this petulant tantrum thing – and maybe getting to be a bit more mature. Huh?
‘This is not rocket science, Guys, you know? Peace on Earth I mean. No, it’s not rocket science.
‘Peace on Earth? Goodwill to all men. OK – it’s as simple as that, do follow me here?
‘So, come on now guys, help me out a bit, huh? Goodwill to all men – simple as that – not rocket science. So, I’ll leave that with you, shall I?
‘Right, em, like I said, I’ve got a lot on just now, so, er, catch you later. OK?
‘Oh, and yea – Happy Christmas.’
‘Yes, I have. Does it look all right?’
‘Don’t hairdressers just cost a fortune these days?’
‘Oh, Marco, of course.’
‘You have to sit there for hours. I was under the drier for so long – I dread to think what that did to my split ends’
‘Well yes, I did get a cup of coffee.’
‘Actually, for once, there was a magazine that I hadn’t read before.’
‘Yes, me too. I don’t have time for reading. If I didn’t go to the hairdresser, I probably wouldn’t bother with them, either.’
‘Oh, there was some quite nice bedroom furniture. Not really my style, I must admit, and I definitely didn’t like the carpet.’
‘It’s not,is it? It shows every spec of dirt, and I mean, beige, it’s just so – uninteresting.’
‘Yes, well, I must be off. I’ll see you in the week, no doubt.’
‘Not really, I just must get home, brush this out – and do it again properly!’
Standing here I sometimes look over fields broad sweep,
in spring and summer hedges bloom – but now all sleep.
Hush now birds, be still and rest, wake none with your song
The blanket of this season’s mists comforts winter long.
Those who would wake with the dawn – linger in your dreams
The sun is in bed he’ll not wake us with his beams
Sleep he may, a year he’s toiled marking seasons’ run
Satisfied, his rest he takes knowing his work’s well done.
I have to confess, I’d hardly become accustomed to being in 2016, and here it is – or rather there is was – gone. I mean, it had hardly had time to unpack its stuff and put its things away in the drawer we cleared for it, and it is already going through the ironing pile to see if it can find its clean socks. It is thinking that it would be easier if it puts the clean stuff away in its suitcase now, because it won’t be needing those until it gets home.
We have to say, while it has been pleasant company for most of the time – now and again we have found it hard to get along with. It seems to have had a penchant for drama and a need for confrontation that we have found difficult to handle.
You know the sort of thing I mean – going into the kitchen and making itself a pile of sandwiches, when we’ll be having dinner in half an hour or wanting to watch things on the TV that we never watch, and that are on at the same time as programmes we do want to watch and needing the volume up much louder than we usually have it.
I wouldn’t like to say we’re counting the days until it goes, exactly – but it’s not long now, thank goodness.