postaldeliveries

Garlic Mustard

If you’re American, look away now, or at the very least put your fingers in your ears while you read this. Garlic Mustard is a very useful plant, in fact that’s why it was taken from this side to that side in the first place. It’s not our fault that your flora and fauna can’t stand up for itself, now is it? Just stop whining about it and get the damn stuff eaten.

We need a little entrepreneurial spirit here and the problem could be as good as solved. Let me give you a hint, I know that your wildlife isn’t particularly partial to the stuff but people have been eating it with relish for centuries.

Just think of all those Bacon, Lettuce and Tomato bagels. Yes, I know it’s probably turkey bacon and the way you pronounce tomato makes it virtually unintelligible but a few Garlic Mustard leaves in each Big M?? would soon thin the vegetation.

It just needs a little imagination, pretend it’s a new version of the phone made by that other fruit and vegetable purveyor. A viral YouTube video or two and a couple of Super Bowl ads should move things along nicely – and work out a good deal cheaper than all that weed-killer.

Oh, and by the way, if you stuff the seeds up your nose it makes you sneeze. That’s useful to know isn’t it?