You remember the dinosaurs, and them all dying out after they’d finished making that movie? Well, I have some more bad news for them I’m afraid. You see, you remember the strange event that led to their departure, whatever it was – and we won’t get into that argument. It had been given the name of the K-T event, to save scientists admitting that it might actually be caused by whatever it was that they didn’t want to believe at the time. Well, I’m afraid they’ve been metricated.
The International Commission on Stratigraphy has decided that Tertiary is not the right and proper time for Dinosaur Demise. They will all be getting a letter soon informing them that they actually died out during the K-Pg event. They needn’t panic though. There will be a paragraph saying “You need take no action.” and going on to reassure them that the new amount will be debited from their bank accounts as normal. They now became extinct at the start of the Paleogene period. There, I’m sure you feel better for that.
It was about this time that the climate changed. Really, it is just so undependable. It is possible of course, that the climate changed because the dinosaurs died out. May be they had been keeping it warm for us, or perhaps it changed when they stopped breathing it. Whether the dinosaurs were at fault or not, things just weren’t as damp as they had been and so the ground, under all those forests of acres and acres of laurel trees that the dinosaurs had scratched their backs on, began to dry up. So the laurel trees grumped off muttering to themselves about climate change and fridges being dumped in land-fills and the like.
Now, every warm blooded mammal knows that it was only the absence of dinosaurs that meant that you could get a decent square meal, without being eaten for one. But it goes deeper than that. The laurels might have felt that the neighbourhood had gone downhill but the holly bushes, who had been sheltered by them until then, heaved a sigh of relief and stood up straight and stuck their elbows out.
In a way you could say that we and the holly grew up together.